Mr. Bitter

Dear God, here we are again. In an hour, we’ll be down to two.

The show opened with a video clip that Jayanna sent after being eliminated to the other girls, ripping Amanda for backstabbing.

Maria and Amanda are going salsa dancing with Mark. Oh, and they keep showing cute shots of him playing with his puppy. I hear he got it at Bad Newz Kennelz.

The salsa club is closed to the public. Mark, Maria and Amanda walk in on two instructors dancing together and poor Marky is intimidated. The girls are dressed in salsa costumes. Amanda was given a bikini with fringes. Maria got an actual salsa dancer’s dress.

The club is open now and Maria is basically giving Mark a lapdance on the floor. She’d better. Amanda is a hockey team dancer.

That would be the champagne dance. Amanda’s working it with Mark trying to peek at her ass in the mirrors.

Afterwards, Maria pulled a buzzkill by asking Mark what he would tell her and Amanda if this was their last date together. Uh, what???

Megan’s next, going to “high tea.” This is the 21-year old. She doesn’t know what high tea is. In the limo, she doesn’t know what a partition is. At tea, she’s completely confused about what to do.

Afterwards, she told the camera she wanted to tell him how much she liked him but didn’t because she was trying to figure out which fork to use. “I’m a retard.” We weren’t going to say anything, honey.

Jen, the 48-year old who fucks/fucked Jerry Buss, is getting picked up in a horse-drawn carriage. She was also told to bring a swimsuit. The yung’uns are trying to figure out what the date will be. Amanda is really jealous. I think she just realized that Jen’s going to be nailing Mark tonight.

The carriage is a full-on Cindarella-style thing that lights up. They’re taking it around downtown L.A., past the new concert hall, etc. Jen said it was the most romantic date she’s ever been on. They came back to the building on Wilshire and went swimming on the rooftop pool. They’re sucking face and she’s asking him if he has any fantasies. At 2:08 a.m., she massaged him. NBC made sure to imply hand job/blow job.

Jen is totally rubbing it in, so to speak, to the yung’uns. “That’s going to look scandalous on TV.” “They probably can’t even use half of what happened.” Amanda took the bait. She whined to the camera that her heart is breaking or some such nonsense. What, you thought you were the only woman to think, “Hey, if I want to win this contest, I need to put out!” How do you think you got your job as a hockey team dancer?

And by the way, I have a lot of questions about hockey team dancing. First, why won’t they tell us which team? They told us Jen works for the Los Angeles Lakers owner. Did she not have permission to be on the show? I think the team will find out.

Second, do they dance on the ice? In skates? I sure hope so. That would be sooo much more interesting.

They’re having a series of one-on-one meetings. Mark is asking each woman what she’s feeling. Amanda told Mark that she got the report of the massages off camera. This is brilliant strategy. Keep playing the wounded chick but undermine the others by tattling on their tattling.

Maria finally is eliminating herself. Mark answers by telling her that she would have stayed.

Noooooo! They showed Mark kind of rubbing his head in anguish. And then the puppy turning its head while looking at him. Awwwww!

That’s must see TV!

He’s telling the final three to pack their bags because they are going to Australia. To meet the family. Megan is terrified to fly. This can only mean more alcohol. The way they edited everything, I think Megan was gone before Maria quit.

Megan: “Do we get a private jet? Those crash more than regular planes do!” This is like how Kari used to talk about plane crashes when we were sitting in the plane waiting for takeoff. It’s 9:53 on my clock. So clearly Megan is going to puss out before takeoff.

Hey! They not only allowed cameras into the boarding area but past the the boarding gate. What the fuck? Couldn’t al Quaeda  infiltrate NBC just as easily as anything else? I’m sorry but the exception to the security rules shouldn’t be a cheesy reality show.

By the way, Megan did wuss out. So it’s down to Amanda and Jen. The promo line is, “If you think you know who he’s going to pick, think again.”